I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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