he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize