so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
