he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
