I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
