youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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