I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
