Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize