It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
