At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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