your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
