Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
