And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
