My nipple is on Facebook.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
