arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
