Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
