you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
