Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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