I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
