I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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