just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
