Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
