No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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