Plan B is the new Plan A
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
