if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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