this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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