win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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