omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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