yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize