I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
