the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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