I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
