remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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