her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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