and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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