Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
