i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
