what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
