I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
