We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You ate ashes out of my bong
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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