Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize