watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
