My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize