what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
