If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
