This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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