she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
