wrigley field is MILF paradise
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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