I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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