I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
