Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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