am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
