Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
