Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
