i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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