i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
