Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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