I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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