Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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