Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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