remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
