Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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