i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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