You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
