Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
