whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
