i just google imaged poop.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
