i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
