two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
