If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
