at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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