why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
