Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
