dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
