I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
