Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
