The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
